When You’re Afraid to Hope for What You Really Want
Giving hope a voice without trying to control what happens next
Scripture Focus: Romans 12:12
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.”
Maybe I haven’t been protecting myself from disappointment.
Maybe I have been giving fear a louder voice than hope.
That realization has stayed with me.
Recently, I wrote about how much time I had been spending worrying about what might happen when my family gathers for Christopher and Sarah’s wedding. I had imagined comments that hadn’t been made, conversations that hadn’t happened, and problems that might never happen at all.
I was trying to prepare myself for every possibility.
But underneath all that fear was something much quieter.
I was hoping.
I want my family to find its way toward one another again.
Even writing that feels vulnerable.
Not because I don’t want it badly enough.
Because I do.
And perhaps that is why hope can sometimes feel more frightening than fear.
Fear lets me prepare for disappointment.
Hope asks me to admit how much something matters.
Today, I am learning that I don’t have to silence that hope in order to surrender it to God.
I can tell Him exactly what I want.
And then I can trust Him with what happens next.
Sometimes It Is Easier to Voice Fear Than Hope
Fear hasn’t had any trouble finding its voice.
What if someone says something?
What if old hurts surface?
What if everyone feels uncomfortable?
What if nothing changes?
Those thoughts have come easily.
But there is another set of possibilities I haven’t allowed myself to sit with nearly as often.
What if someone simply says hello?
What if there is laughter where there has been silence?
What if people who haven’t been comfortable together discover they can share the same room peacefully?
What if something softens?
None of those things is guaranteed.
And I think that is exactly why saying them feels vulnerable.
In my earlier devotional, When You Are Worried About What Might Happen, I admitted something I hadn’t really wanted to say aloud:
I am hoping.
I don’t want fear of disappointment to make me afraid to hope.
But I’m realizing there is another step.
I need to let myself say what I’m hoping for.
What Does Romans 12:12 Mean?
Paul writes:
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.”
Romans 12 comes after Paul’s teaching about God’s mercy and the transformed life that flows from it.
The chapter becomes very practical.
Love genuinely. Honour one another. Serve the Lord. Give generously. Show hospitality. Bless rather than curse. Live peaceably with others as far as it depends on you.
And right among those instructions we find:
Rejoice in hope.
Be patient in suffering.
Persevere in prayer.
Paul isn’t telling us that hoping strongly enough will produce the circumstances we want.
Biblical hope is not a method for controlling the future.
Our hope rests in God.
That distinction matters.
I can hope for reconciliation without believing I can create it.
I can pray for softened hearts without assuming I know what God is doing in someone else’s heart.
I can desire something deeply without turning my desire into a promise God never made.
And I can continue praying even when I don’t know what the answer will look like.
Giving Hope a Voice Doesn’t Mean Demanding an Answer
There is a difference between saying:
“God, this is what I want.”
and:
“God, this is what You must do.”
I’m learning to pray the first while releasing the second.
Jesus gives us the clearest example of this in Gethsemane.
Facing the cross, He did not pretend that He wasn’t distressed. He brought His anguish honestly before the Father and still surrendered Himself to the Father’s will.
That reminds me that surrender doesn’t require indifference.
I can care deeply.
I can ask.
I can cry while asking.
I can tell God exactly what I would love to see happen.
And then I can say:
Lord, I trust You with what comes next.
Surrender doesn’t mean I have stopped wanting something.
It means my peace no longer depends on getting the outcome I imagined.
What If I Hope and Nothing Changes?
This may be the hardest part.
What happens if I finally allow myself to hope and nothing happens?
What if August 17 comes and goes and my family relationships remain exactly as they were before?
I may be disappointed.
I don’t want to dress that up with spiritual language and pretend otherwise.
Faith doesn’t mean disappointment doesn’t hurt.
But disappointment wouldn’t mean I was wrong to pray.
It wouldn’t mean God wasn’t listening.
And it wouldn’t mean the story was finished.
There is something I wrote in my previous devotional that I need to remember again:
God is not limited to August 17.
I don’t know His timing.
I don’t know what may be happening quietly in another person’s heart.
I don’t know whether reconciliation could begin at the wedding, weeks later, years later, or in a way I haven’t imagined.
There is also something else I have to accept.
I cannot make another person choose reconciliation.
God hasn’t given me control over another person’s heart.
What I can do is keep mine open.
I can watch my words.
I can refuse to carry hurt from one person to another.
I can welcome a small step without demanding that it immediately become a big one.
I can pray.
And I can hope.
Hope Doesn’t Have to Become an Expectation
I’m beginning to see an important difference between hope and expectation.
Hope says:
I would love for this to happen.
Expectation says:
This needs to happen for me to be okay.
Hope leaves room.
Expectation can quietly become pressure, especially when other people are involved.
Christopher and Sarah’s wedding belongs to Christopher and Sarah.
It isn’t supposed to carry the responsibility of repairing every relationship around them.
I don’t want to spend their wedding watching the room for evidence that my prayers are being answered.
I want to watch my son get married.
I want to stand there as his mother and as the person privileged to officiate their marriage.
I want to hear their vows.
I want to see their faces.
I want to be present for the day they have waited for.
If something else beautiful happens, I will receive that too.
But I don’t have to manufacture it.
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When You’re Afraid to Hope Because You Might Be Disappointed
Maybe you know this feeling too.
Perhaps there is something you’ve quietly stopped praying about because praying reminds you how much you want it.
Maybe it’s reconciliation.
Maybe it’s your marriage.
Your child.
A friendship.
Healing.
A new beginning.
An answer you’ve been waiting a long time to receive.
Sometimes we tell ourselves we’ve surrendered something to God when what we’ve actually done is stop hoping because hoping hurts.
I’m discovering there is a difference between surrendering hope and surrendering the outcome.
Romans 12:12 doesn’t tell me to stop hoping.
It tells me to rejoice in hope, remain patient through suffering, and keep praying.
So perhaps my prayer doesn’t need to be complicated.
Lord, this is what I hope for.
And then:
Lord, I trust You with what I cannot control.
Both can be true at the same time.
When Fear Has Been Louder Than Hope
I’ve spent enough time imagining everything that could go wrong.
But I don’t need to replace frightening predictions with positive predictions.
I don’t know what will happen.
I’m simply allowing hope to have a voice too.
Maybe something will soften.
Maybe somebody will say hello.
Maybe there will be an unexpected conversation.
Maybe nothing visible will change that day.
I don’t know.
Fear doesn’t get to be the only voice telling me what tomorrow might hold.
And hope doesn’t get to dictate tomorrow either.
God gets tomorrow.
That is where I want to leave it.
What I Can Do When the Outcome Isn’t Mine to Control
Romans 12:12 gives me three simple things I can return to when I notice myself trying to control what comes next.
Rejoice in hope.
I can acknowledge what I desire without being ashamed of wanting it.
Be patient in suffering.
I can accept that some relationships and circumstances take time, and that waiting can hurt.
Persevere in prayer.
I can continue bringing the situation to God without deciding beforehand what His answer must look like.
I don’t have to choose between hope and surrender.
I can give my hope a voice and give God the outcome.
Journaling Prompts
- What am I genuinely hoping for but have been afraid to say out loud?
- Have I surrendered this situation to God, or have I stopped hoping because I’m afraid of disappointment?
- What would it sound like to tell God honestly what I want without demanding a particular answer?
- Have I made my peace dependent upon someone else changing?
- What belongs to me in this situation, and what do I need to leave with God?
A Prayer When You’re Afraid to Hope
Lord Jesus,
You already know the things I have been afraid to say.
You know what I hope will happen and why admitting that hope makes me feel vulnerable.
I don’t want fear of disappointment to close my heart.
So today I am bringing You what I really want.
You know the relationships I would love to see restored. You know the conversations I wish could happen and the hurts I wish could soften.
Please work where I cannot.
But keep me from turning my prayer into a demand.
Help me recognize what belongs to me and release what doesn’t.
Teach me to rejoice in hope, remain patient when circumstances are painful, and continue praying when I cannot see what You are doing.
If a door opens, help me recognize it.
If the first step is very small, help me value it.
And if nothing changes when I hoped it would, meet me in that disappointment and remind me that I still don’t know the whole story.
I give You my fear.
I give You my hope.
And I give You the outcome.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Let’s Keep Walking Together
What are you quietly hoping for today?
You don’t have to share the whole story. Sometimes simply admitting that we are still hoping is a meaningful step.
If this devotional spoke to something you’re carrying, you’re welcome to share in the comments below. Or share this devotional with someone who may need permission to hope again too.
Your Story Matters Too
Sometimes another person’s honest story is exactly what helps someone else realize they aren’t walking through their season alone.
If God has been meeting you through a season of waiting, family difficulty, grief, anxiety, healing, reconciliation, or unexpected change, I would love to hear your story.
Your experience may encourage someone else who is walking through something similar.
Continue Your Journey
If you’re struggling with all the things that might happen, continue with When You Are Worried About What Might Happen. That devotional explores learning to surrender tomorrow without giving up hope.
If you’re waiting for circumstances to change, When God Builds Strength Before He Changes the Situation explores what God may be doing in us during seasons when the situation itself hasn’t changed.
And if waiting is exhausting you, When God Calls You to Slow Down Instead of Speed Up is a reminder that faithfulness isn’t always measured by how quickly we move.
A Resource for the Days When Your Mind Won’t Stop Looking Ahead
If uncertainty keeps pulling your thoughts into tomorrow, the Finding Peace 30-Day Scripture Reading Plan in the Resource Library can help you return to Scripture one day at a time.
Rather than trying to solve everything at once, it provides a simple daily rhythm for bringing your attention back to God and His presence.
[Visit the Resource Library →]
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