What my son’s approaching wedding is reminding me about is the love we choose long after the beautiful moments have passed.

Scripture Focus

“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience… Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:12, 14, NRSVUE

In just a few days, I will stand in front of my son Christopher and the woman he loves and watch them make promises to one another.

I have been preparing for this wedding for months. There have been decorations to make, words to write, details to remember, and all those little things that somehow become enormous when someone you love is getting married.

But now that the day is almost here, I find myself thinking less about the wedding and more about what comes after it.

The flowers will eventually be put away. The photographs will capture moments we will treasure. The handfasting cord I place around their joined hands will become a keepsake.

But the promises remain.

And perhaps that is one of the most beautiful things about love.

Love isn’t proven only in the moment when we make the promise. It is revealed in all the ordinary moments when we choose to keep it.

After more than three decades of marriage myself, I know there will be far more ordinary days than extraordinary ones.

There will be tired days and funny days. Days when everything seems to fall into place and days when nothing does. There will be misunderstandings, responsibilities, unexpected changes, celebrations, disappointments, laughter and probably conversations that begin with, “Did you remember to…?”

That’s life together.

And somewhere in all those ordinary moments, love becomes much more than a feeling.

It becomes something we choose.

What Does Colossians 3:12–14 Mean?

Paul’s words to the Colossians weren’t written specifically for married couples.

That’s important.

He was teaching the Christian community what life together should look like for people whose identity had been transformed by Christ.

He begins with who they are:

chosen, holy and beloved.

Then he tells them how that identity should shape the way they treat one another.

Compassion.

Kindness.

Humility.

Meekness.

Patience.

Forgiveness.

And above all, love.

Paul isn’t describing romantic emotion. He’s describing a way of living.

A person can feel deeply loved at a wedding, surrounded by family and friends, while beautiful promises are being spoken. But eventually every relationship moves beyond its beautiful moments.

That is where these words become practical.

Compassion matters when someone is hurting.

Kindness matters when you’re tired.

Humility matters when you would rather prove you’re right.

Patience matters when another person isn’t moving at your pace.

Forgiveness matters because none of us will love perfectly.

And love is what holds all of those things together.

This passage doesn’t promise that loving faithfully will make every relationship easy. It doesn’t tell us that every relationship will be restored or that love means accepting harmful behaviour.

It tells us what should increasingly characterize us because we belong to Christ.

That makes these words meaningful for a bride and groom.

But it also makes them meaningful for every one of us.

I Will Be His Mother and His Officiant

There is something I am only beginning to understand about standing at this particular wedding.

I will have words to say as the officiant that day.

I will guide Christopher and Sarah through their vows. I will place the handfasting cord over their joined hands. I will have responsibilities to remember and a ceremony to lead.

But underneath all of that, I will still be his mother.

Part of me will remember the little boy he was.

And standing before me will be the man he has become, making promises about the life he wants to build with someone else.

I imagine there will be a moment when those two versions of him exist in my heart at exactly the same time.

As his mother, I don’t expect their life together to be perfect.

That’s not what I pray for them.

I pray for something much more enduring.

I pray that when life becomes ordinary, difficult, joyful, exhausting or unexpected, they will remember not only the promises they made, but the kind of love those promises require.

The love Paul describes.

Compassion when the other person is struggling.

Kindness when irritation would be easier.

Humility when pride starts building a wall.

Patience when change takes longer than expected.

Forgiveness when one of them gets it wrong.

And Christ at the centre of it all.

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Love Is Lived After the Beautiful Moment

Weddings naturally focus our attention on one extraordinary day.

Marriage happens during thousands of ordinary ones.

After more than 31 years of marriage, I understand that differently than I did when I first made my own promises.

Love is sometimes found in grand gestures, but much more often it appears in things nobody photographs.

Making coffee.

Listening when you’re tired.

Showing up when life hasn’t gone according to plan.

Saying, “I’m sorry.”

Trying again after getting something wrong.

Giving someone room to have a difficult day.

Laughing together over something ridiculous.

Carrying a little more when the other person doesn’t have much left to give.

Learning when to speak and when to listen.

And continuing to see the person beside you as someone deeply loved by God.

There are seasons when love feels effortless.

There are others when love becomes an intentional act of faithfulness.

Perhaps that is why Paul’s language is so interesting.

He tells us to “clothe yourselves” with these qualities.

Getting dressed is something we deliberately do.

Maybe compassion, kindness, humility and patience sometimes work the same way.

We don’t always wake up naturally feeling patient.

Sometimes we choose patience.

We don’t always feel like being gracious.

Sometimes we choose grace.

We don’t always want to admit that we were wrong.

Sometimes love asks us to choose humility anyway.

The feelings of love are beautiful. The practices of love are what give those feelings somewhere to live.

This Isn’t Only About Marriage

As I have been thinking about Christopher and Sarah’s wedding, I keep returning to something else.

Paul wasn’t talking only to husbands and wives.

Neither was Jesus when He told His disciples:

“Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.”

John 13:34, NRSVUE

Christlike love belongs in all our relationships.

With our children.

Our parents.

Our siblings.

Our friends.

Our church communities.

Our neighbours.

And even in difficult relationships where love may need to include healthy boundaries.

We may never stand in front of those people and make formal vows.

But we still make choices about how we will treat them.

Will I listen before assuming?

Will I choose kindness when I could easily respond sharply?

Will I apologize when I have caused hurt?

Will I forgive without pretending that wrongdoing didn’t matter?

Will I tell the truth lovingly?

Will I respect another person’s boundaries?

Will I recognize when I need to establish my own?

Will I remember that the person in front of me is someone Christ loves, even when loving them is complicated?

That’s where today’s Scripture reaches beyond a wedding.

Christlike love isn’t simply something we promise. It is something we practice.

Love Does Not Mean Losing Yourself

This is also an important distinction.

Sometimes Christians can hear words such as patience, forgiveness and humility and believe they mean tolerating everything.

They don’t.

Paul isn’t telling us to become invisible.

Compassion doesn’t require abandoning wisdom.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something didn’t hurt.

Humility doesn’t mean believing we have no value.

Patience doesn’t require accepting repeated harmful behaviour without boundaries.

And love does not require us to surrender the identity and worth God has given us.

Jesus demonstrates both extraordinary compassion and truth.

Sometimes the loving response is tenderness.

Sometimes it is forgiveness.

Sometimes it is an apology.

Sometimes it is an honest conversation.

Sometimes it is a boundary.

Sometimes it is giving another person space.

And sometimes it is recognizing that we cannot control whether another person chooses to love us well in return.

Our responsibility is not to control the outcome.

Our responsibility is to ask Christ to shape our response.

What Kind of Love Am I Choosing Today?

Most of us won’t make a life-changing promise today.

But all of us will have opportunities to practice love.

Maybe someone we love needs our patience.

Maybe there is a conversation we have been avoiding.

Maybe pride is keeping us from apologizing.

Maybe we need to listen instead of preparing our defence.

Maybe someone needs compassion rather than advice.

Or perhaps we are exhausted from continually giving and God is showing us that loving well also requires healthy limits.

We don’t have to master every aspect of love at once.

We can begin with the relationship in front of us.

Before responding, I can ask:

1. What would compassion look like here?
   What might this person be carrying that I cannot see?
2. Am I trying to understand or simply trying to be right?
   Humility leaves room for another person’s experience.
3. Is there something I need to forgive or apologize for?
   Neither requires pretending that what happened didn’t matter.
4. Would love require kindness, patience, truth or a boundary here?
   Different situations require different expressions of love.
5. Does my response reflect Christ?
   Not perfectly, but genuinely.

Sometimes the most faithful choice may be very small.

One softer answer.

One apology.

One conversation.

One boundary.

One moment of patience.

One decision to try again.

Questions for Reflection

• Which quality from Colossians 3:12–14 do I find easiest to offer others? Which is hardest?
• Where in my relationships might I be relying on loving feelings rather than practicing loving actions?
• Is there someone I need to approach with greater compassion, humility or patience?
• Is there a relationship where loving faithfully may require an honest conversation or healthier boundary?
• What would it look like for Christ, rather than fear, pride or approval, to shape the way I love today?

A Prayer for the Love We Live

Jesus,

Thank You for showing us that love is more than something we feel.

As I prepare to watch two people I love make promises to one another, remind me of the promises and relationships You have entrusted to me too.

Teach us to clothe ourselves with compassion when someone is hurting, kindness when life is difficult, humility when pride rises, and patience when loving well takes time.

Help us forgive without ignoring what needs healing.

Give us courage to speak truth with gentleness and wisdom to recognize when love requires a healthy boundary.

For Christopher and Sarah, I pray that their wedding day will be filled with joy, but even more, I pray for all the ordinary days that will follow.

May they continue choosing one another through laughter and disappointment, change and uncertainty, celebration and difficulty.

Keep Christ at the centre of the home and life they build together.

And for each of us, married or not, teach us to love the people You have placed in our lives in ways that increasingly resemble You.

When we get it wrong, give us humility to begin again.

Above all, clothe us with love.

In Jesus Christ’s name,

Amen.

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