Thirty-One Years of Choosing Love in Every New Season

What marriage has taught me about change, surrender, and the love that continues to hold us together.

Scripture Focus

Colossians 3:12–14 (NRSVUE)

“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Thirty-one years of marriage cannot be reduced to a photograph, a date, or a carefully written anniversary message. It is a story of two people changing again and again while learning that love must be chosen in every version of life.

Today, I am not celebrating perfection. I am giving thanks for the grace that kept meeting us in ordinary days, difficult seasons, unexpected changes, laughter, frustration, disappointment, and everything in between.

Anniversaries invite us to remember where we began, but they also reveal how far we have travelled. We are not the same people we were thirty-one years ago. We were never meant to be.

Some versions of us had to end so love could keep growing.

When Marriage Does Not Look the Way You Imagined

Most of us enter marriage carrying expectations, whether we recognize them or not.

We imagine how love will feel, how disagreements will be resolved, what the future will look like, and who we will become together. Then real life arrives.

Plans change. Responsibilities grow. Health can alter what we are able to do. Grief enters places we never expected it to reach. Stress exposes parts of us we might rather hide. Two people who once believed they knew each other completely discover that they are both still changing.

Peace does not come from pretending those struggles are unimportant. Pain does not lose its weight simply because we tell ourselves to think positively.

Jesus never asked suffering people to deny what hurt. He met them inside it.

He wept beside a grieving family. He welcomed honest questions. He prayed in anguish before the cross. Christ shows us that faith does not require emotional denial. We can acknowledge what has been difficult while trusting that difficulty does not have to write the final chapter.

What Does Colossians 3:14 Mean?

Paul wrote to believers who were learning what it meant to live as people made new in Christ. Before telling them to put on love, he named the qualities that should mark their lives: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness.

Then he wrote:

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Colossians 3:14, NIV

This passage was written to the Christian community, not specifically to married couples. Its biblical meaning reaches beyond marriage. Paul was describing how people transformed by Christ should treat one another.

Yet its application to marriage is unmistakably valuable.

Love is not presented as a passing feeling. It is something we intentionally “put on.” It shapes how compassion, patience, humility, truth, and forgiveness are expressed.

This verse does not promise that love will eliminate conflict. It does not say that every relationship will remain unchanged or that every wound will heal quickly. It certainly does not require anyone to ignore abuse, tolerate danger, or remain silent about serious harm.

It teaches us that Christlike love is what holds the other virtues together.

What Thirty-One Years Have Taught Me About Love

Thirty-one years hold more than I could fit into one anniversary message. They hold ordinary mornings, changing plans, disagreements, laughter, responsibilities, uncertainty, and seasons when one or both of us had to adjust to a life we had not expected.

There were times when love felt warm and easy. There were other times when love looked more like patience, honesty, forgiveness, or simply refusing to let one difficult moment define everything that came before it.

I have learned that marriage is not sustained by wishing problems away. It grows when two people are willing to face what is real and decide what they will do with it.

Sometimes the most loving thing I can do is speak honestly. Sometimes it is listen without preparing my defence. Sometimes it is apologize. Sometimes it is recognize that the person beside me is carrying something I cannot completely understand.

After thirty-one years, I know love is not static. It has to keep learning how to live in the season we are actually in.

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Some Things Must End So Love Can Grow

Not every ending is the end of a relationship.

Sometimes what needs to end is an expectation that no longer fits the life we are living. Sometimes it is the need to win every disagreement, keep a record of every disappointment, or wait for the other person to make the first move.

Sometimes an old way of relating must end because it is no longer healthy.

Following Christ includes allowing Him to change the way I love. That requires humility. I cannot “put on love” while insisting that only the other person needs to grow.

I can ask:

• Am I listening to understand, or listening for a chance to defend myself?
• Am I addressing today’s problem, or bringing every previous hurt into it?
• Am I expecting my husband to know what I need without telling him?
• Am I offering the same grace I hope to receive?
• Is there a pattern that needs honest conversation, prayer, or outside support?

These are not comfortable questions. Yet real love is strong enough to tell the truth.

Choosing Love Does Not Mean Ignoring Harm

An encouragement to keep choosing love can sound painful to someone living with abuse, manipulation, betrayal, or fear.

Christlike love does not require someone to remain in danger. Forgiveness does not eliminate boundaries, accountability, consequences, or the need for protection. Seeking safety, pastoral guidance, counselling, legal assistance, or trusted support is not a failure of faith.

Love and truth belong together.

For many couples, difficult seasons can be approached through prayer, honest communication, repentance, counselling, and renewed commitment. But serious harm should never be minimized in the name of preserving appearances.

God cares about what happens behind closed doors, not merely how a relationship looks from the outside.

How to Choose Love in the Season You Are In

I cannot return to the beginning of my marriage, and I would not want to erase everything the years have taught me.

What I can do is ask Christ how to love well today.

A simple place to begin is by returning to the qualities surrounding Colossians 3:14:

1. Compassion: What might my spouse be carrying that I have not fully considered?
2. Kindness: What small action could make today gentler?
3. Humility: Is there something I need to admit or apologize for?
4. Patience: Am I allowing room for growth that cannot happen overnight?
5. Forgiveness: What hurt needs to be addressed honestly rather than silently rehearsed?
6. Love: What choice would reflect the heart of Christ in this moment?

I do not have to solve thirty-one years in one conversation. I only need to remain willing to let Christ shape the next response, the next decision, and the next season.

Journaling Prompts

1. What expectations about marriage or love have been hardest for me to release?
2. What has changed in my relationship that I am still grieving or learning to accept?
3. Which quality from Colossians 3:12–14 feels most difficult for me to practise right now?
4. Is there an old pattern that needs to end so something healthier can grow?
5. What would choosing love, truth, and wisdom look like in my present circumstances?

A Prayer for Love in a Changing Season

Jesus, thank You for meeting us in every season of life and love.

You see the beautiful memories, the ordinary days, the disappointments, and the changes we did not expect. Help me release the belief that love must remain unchanged to remain real.

Clothe me with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Show me where I need to listen, where I need to speak honestly, where I need to apologize, and where I need to establish wise boundaries.

Let unhealthy patterns end. Heal what can be healed. Strengthen what is good, and teach me to love from the truth of who You are.

Thank You for thirty-one years of shared life and for the grace that has carried us into this new season. Whatever comes next, keep drawing me closer to You.

Amen.

Continue Your Journey

If this reflection speaks to the season you are walking through, these devotionals offer further encouragement:

In When Love Is Woven by Hand, I reflect on how love is formed through quiet acts of service, compassion, forgiveness, and faithfulness.

When God Invites You to Let Go of Who You Thought You Had to Be offers encouragement for releasing old expectations and finding freedom in the identity Christ has given us.

If you are waiting for circumstances to change, When God Builds Strength Before He Changes the Situation explores how God can strengthen our faith even when the answers we want have not yet arrived.

A Free Resource for Finding Peace

The Finding Peace 30-Day Bible Reading Plan offers a gentle daily pathway through Scriptures about God’s presence and peace. It may be especially helpful when relationship changes, health concerns, grief, or uncertainty leave your thoughts unsettled.

Visit the protected Resource Library to download your copy.

Let’s Stay Connected

What has love taught you in the season you are living through now? You are welcome to share your reflection or prayer request. You do not have to walk through changing seasons alone.